so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
is it fun? or sober?
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