I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize