carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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