Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize