walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
They took my balls.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize