I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
