3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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