Reggie can tackle my bush.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
