I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
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