drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
