Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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