whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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