Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
