I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
