sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
