Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize