Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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