HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
