Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
