You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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