South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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