in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize