I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Randomize
