Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
