Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
