I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Randomize
