I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
