Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
