what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
