Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize