I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
