I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
