Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
