go do what you do best...puke behind churches
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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