Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I forget how to act sober
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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