Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you win again, gameday.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
A bitchslap is in order.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize