Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
