just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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