Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
