i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
