maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
This is the high leading the old right now
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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