I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
