she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
