People in love make me want to vomit
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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