my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
