idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
