I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
40s are totally the cure
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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