Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
