I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Randomize
