My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
