It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
