I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
