seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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