Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Everyone says I win the strip club
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
