I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
