While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
