Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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