I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
