Your face is a jimmy john
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
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