Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
