Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
