Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
