I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
