Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
