I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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