Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
