Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
