where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
