you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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