i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
