i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
