i wish starbucks made bloody marys
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
