You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
My breath smells like gin and sadness
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
